Developmentally Delayed?

What classifies a child as Developmentally Delayed? Is it the opinion of the neighbor next door? The other mom you run into from the past? Or, perhaps friends and family members who believe they are experts because they have more than one child over the age of 5? I am finding more and more people have an opinion about what my son can and can’t do at his young age of 21 months.

My son, The Monster, rolled over before he was home from the hospital. He held and pulled his head up starting at 2 months. He was crawling at the age of 7 months, and walking by the age of 10 months. He, now, shows an interest in books. He dances and spins around in circles. He climbs on everything he can possibly find, despite Mommy and Daddy telling him “No!” The Monster has even learned to pat his legs, raise his hands in the air and clap his hands along with the characters on the movie Little Einsteins.

With everything The Monster can do, why do people tell me he is developmentally delayed? At the age of 21 months, my son barely has a vocabulary and doesn’t quite grasp most concepts yet. Oh, he can say the typical words, “Mama,” “Dada,” “hot,” “bad,” and “Papa”. He has even learned to say the word “pat” while he pats his legs along with the characters of Little Einsteins to help Rocket gain enough power to BLAST OFF! He grasps the idea of being thirsty and brings his cup to us to refill it. He also knows what meal times are, nap time and bed time. But, because at 21 months, he doesn’t understand the concept of something being lost, gone or broken and still is addicted to the binky because of this reason, he has been labeled “Developmentally Delayed” by well-meaning, opinionated “experts”. Well, that and the fact that he isn’t spouting off words on demand.

So, let’s get back to the original question. What classifies a child as Developmentally Delayed? According to The Arc of Dallas (www.arcdallas.org) the definition of Developmentally Delayed is “a child less than 5 years old who is delayed in development by 1.5 standard deviations or more in one or more of the following areas: communication, self-help, social-emotional, motor skills, sensory development or cognition.” But, how does that help a parent know if they need to bring the subject up to their pediatrician? Well, the University of Michigan has created a guide, of sorts, for normal development at the age of 2 (http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_devtwoyr_pep.htm). They warn that it is simply a guide and that children do develop at different speeds in different areas.

However, are all delays a developmental issue and not just the parent? I admit I am partially to blame for my son’s delay in speaking. I do not push him to speak. I, instead, repeat the words to tell him what he is asking for. He knows what the words mean, as he always responds to them. And with a binky in his mouth, it is harder for him to articulate. We have now taken the binky away during the day and he only gets it during times where he needs comfort – sleeping. My decision to take the binky away during the day sparked when he started babbling to his toys, the TV and singing along during “music time”.

So, the bottom line is, before you let some well-meaning, opinionated “expert” label your child Developmentally Delayed and ignite a world of emotions within you, stop and analyze the underlying problem. Is it something you may be contributing to? Can you make some slight changes in the way you approach the subject and see a positive response from your child? If the issue at hand isn’t something you think you have readily contributed to, or doesn’t approve with some slight changes, maybe it is time to approach your child’s pediatrician with your concerns.